Divorce is a life-altering event that can have a huge impact on children. While the turmoil that adults will face during separation is clear, it is often children caught in the crossfire who experience some of the most significant emotional challenges. Although divorce is a common process in Canada, with approximately 5 in every 1,000 couples separating, it can still have significant effects on those involved. Understanding the impact of divorce and preparing tools to help your children cope can make a valuable difference in their mental and emotional health.
At Verhaeghe Law, our Edmonton family lawyers are ready to help with your legal concerns. When you’re going through a separation or divorce, dissolving your marriage as respectfully as possible from the start can help protect your children. If you need assistance from compassionate legal professionals as you navigate your divorce proceedings, contact our Edmonton divorce lawyers today.
What is the Effect of Divorce on Children?
The type of reactions that children have to their parents’ divorce can vary. However, it is common for children to react to a separation or divorce with painful emotions such as sadness, confusion, anger, fears of abandonment, and more.
If you and your partner are separating or divorcing, your child may experience or exhibit:
1. Guilt
One of the most challenging emotions a child can experience during a divorce is guilt. Children might feel like they are to blame for their parents’ separation, even when they’re not. For example, they might think that their own behaviour contributed to the breakup, which can lead them to internalize responsibility for the situation and blame themselves.
This guilt can manifest in various ways, such as:
- Self-Blame: Children might dwell on their actions and believe that if they had behaved differently, their parents might still be together.
- Loyalty Conflicts: Children may feel torn between their parents, worrying about hurting feelings if they express more love or support for one parent over the other.
- Fear of Added Burden: Kids may worry about adding to their parents’ pain or stress, making them suppress their own feelings in order to be a “peacemaker.”
2. Depression & Anxiety
The emotions that accompany a divorce can often lead children to experience increased levels of depression and anxiety. In fact, studies have shown that children aged between 7 and 14 whose parents divorced were 16% more likely to develop mental health problems. These mental health challenges can look different depending on the child’s age, personality, and circumstances.
If you’re worried that your child is experiencing anxiety or depression during your divorce, common indicators might include:
- Changes in Behaviour: Sudden outbursts of anger, reluctance to engage in social activities, or changes in eating and sleeping patterns might signal that your child is struggling.
- Academic Decline: A noticeable drop in performance at school or a lack of interest in schoolwork might be an indicator that your child is experiencing mental health challenges.
- Physical Symptoms: Frequent complaints of headaches, stomachaches, or other problems without a clear medical explanation can often be a physical symptom of anxiety or stress.
3. Behavioural Issues
Children often express their emotions through their behaviour, especially when dealing with the big changes that come with divorce. It’s crucial that parents stay vigilant about these changes, as they can indicate that a child is struggling to cope with their feelings.
Common behavioural issues that may arise in children during a separation or divorce include:
- Aggression & Irritability: Some children may respond to their emotional challenges with anger or aggression. This can be directed towards parents, siblings, friends, or objects. Understanding that this behaviour is often a reflection of their inner pain can help you make sure you respond with compassion.
- Withdrawal: On the other hand, some children might retreat into themselves or become more shy. They might lose interest in activities they liked before or become socially isolated.
- Regressive Behaviours: Younger children might show regressive behaviours, such as bedwetting, thumb-sucking, or wanting to sleep in the same room as a parent. This regression can be a way for them to seek comfort when their emotions are unstable.
- Defiance and Disobedience: Kids might test boundaries more frequently or more aggressively. This is often because, during a separation or divorce, it may be unclear to children what the new expectations or norms for their behaviour should be.
Essential Coping Strategies for Kids After Divorce
Navigating new and confusing emotions that come with divorce can be challenging for children. To help them cope effectively, there are several strategies parents can use to foster resilience and better understanding.
1. Encourage Open Communication
A helpful strategy for parents is to create a safe space for children to express their feelings. Encourage them to talk about their emotions, whether they are upset, angry, or confused. Ask open-ended questions that they can respond in length to, such as:
- “What are you feeling right now?”, or
- “Can you tell me more about what’s on your mind?”
Validating their feelings and reassuring them that it’s okay to express themselves can be vital for helping them process the changes they are experiencing.
2. Establish a Consistent Routine
Children function well when they have a routine to follow, especially during confusing or unstable times. Maintaining a structured daily routine can provide a sense of security and normalcy. Making meal times, homework schedules, and bedtime routines consistent can help reduce anxiety and create an environment where children know what to expect each day.
3. Promote Healthy Expression of Emotions
Teach children healthy ways to express their emotions without lashing out or getting overwhelmed. Activities such as journaling, drawing, or exercise can provide outlets for pent-up feelings. Encourage them to participate in hobbies or sports they enjoy, as these can be helpful distractions.
4. Model Healthy Coping Behaviours
Children learn a lot simply from watching their parents. By demonstrating healthy coping mechanisms firsthand—such as talking about your own feelings or asking for help when you need it—you model positive behaviours that your children can copy in the future.
5. Consider Professional Support
If a child exhibits prolonged signs of distress, such as significant changes in behaviour, mood, or academic performance, seeking professional help can be a great starting point. A therapist, counsellor, or mental health professional who specializes in child well-being and family dynamics can provide support and coping strategies tailored to their unique needs.
Sometimes, you can help reduce your child’s stress by maintaining a healthy relationship with your co-parent. If you are struggling to navigate the legal or emotional aspects of your divorce, it may be a good idea to speak with an experienced family lawyer who can assist with mediation or negotiation. The faster and smoother you are able to undertake the separation process, the easier it may be for your children to adapt to their new normal.
Supporting Children Through Your Divorce
Navigating a divorce will always be challenging for both parents and children alike. As a parent, it’s crucial to prioritize your child’s emotional well-being while managing your own feelings. Understanding that it’s normal for your child to feel sadness, anger, or confusion is a step in the right direction.
If you are currently undergoing a separation or divorce and require assistance, don’t hesitate to reach out to our Edmonton family lawyers today. We can help you and your co-parent navigate the process with ease, so you can focus on taking care of your children during this difficult time. Contact us today to schedule a consultation.